My friends keep pressuring me to go spelunking, so I finally caved. 55. We recommend our users to update the browser. This post contains content written byErin Chack and Tanner Greenring. Via Getty Images/Michael Heim / EyeEm. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: You wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 15. I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house but the kids still get in. Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work. Earl Nightingale, 25. the veterinarian who prescribes birth-control pills for dogs? "Mae West, 11. Probably why I got run over. (Best Life), 6) I cant believe my parents support my choice of profession! The first few lines of a speech are like little teasers. They just wash up on shore. If your carriage turns into a pumpkin, call an Uber. Its a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children. Alan Alda, 33. - Steven Wright. !" "Arguing with a fool proves there are two." - Doris M. Smith "Better a witty fool than a foolish wit." - William Shakespeare catchy clever quotes "If we cannot be clever, we can always be kind." - Alfred Fripp "It's okay if you disagree with me. Don't act like I'm a character in your reality show. I used up all my sick leave, so I called in dead. Anonymous, 3. Whether you're having a bad day or know someone who could use a little cheering up, laughter really is the best medicine plus, there are so many ways to tickle your funny bone. To prove he wasnt a chicken. Looking for more inspiration? When I say I am a bad electrician somebody gets shocked and my community still wonders why. ' (Jim Gaffigan). Dont stay in bed unless you can make money in bed. George Burns, 48. Fun Office Games & Activities for Employees "Will Rogers, 66. Laughter. The people who live above me are furious. (Steven Wright), 3) I heard a story that the band Blink-182 incorporated under the name Poo Poo Butt LLC to embarrass their accountants in serious conversations., 4) I thought Id begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? Why did the chicken go to the seance? While Monday motivation quotes, funny inspirational quotes, funny work memes, funny quotes and funny coffee quotes can also do the trick, sometimes you just need classic funny work quotes to get up and at em in the morning. Privacy Policy 22. "I drink to make other people more interesting." 6. Dream as if youll live forever, live as if youll die today. James Dean, 74. Luckily, the folks at Caroo have curated their very own Icebreaker Box to help kickoff your event with a little bit of snacking, team building, and maybe even an adult beverage . ' (Chris Rock), 2) You dont need a parachute to go skydiving. Question:Why cant men get Mad Cow Disease?Answer: Because it only attacks the brain. A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket and thinks. the nurse who was chewed out by the doctor because she was absent without gauze?